Pokémon made a worldwide impact thanks to its story. However, it’s not rare when a fantasy drama like this is actually a hentai.

Pokémon would’ve taken quite unexpected turns if it was a hentai, the foremost being characters growing up parallel to the story’s progression. Putting those turns aside, let’s see how the current Pokémon fits in the hentai framework.

First let’s make the inspiration of this article clear. Lately I stumbled upon some erotic Pokémon fan-fictions. Links of which were forwarded to me by a friend. The fanfics were thoroughly intriguing and shocking. In one instance, Misty was being narrated having hardcore intercourse with Psyduck and Politoed in very, very detailed and passionate phrases – ones you would normally find in a bestselling adult fiction novel – Bared to You, Fifty Shades of Grey, hell even The Fault in Our Stars.

This fanart, intelligently titled “A few licks around the pool” by sexy drawings expert Spiderweber sums up my brief stint with Pokémon literotica.

So that made me wonder, what if Pokémon was actually a hentai?

Bigger, more human-like Pokémon

Obviously sexual overtones cannot be conveyed very well if the Pokémon are primarily meant to be “cute, little pets.” It’s another thing that the above mentioned fan-fiction successfully managed to pack tall “things” on little Pokémon.

Anyway. So hentai Pokémon would’ve had bigger Pokémon. They also had to be human-like to perform erotic acts with humans, like Machamp or even Scizor are.

By more human-like, not only I mean that they had to be anatomically similar to a human skeletal structure but they would also need more details like a more expressive face, flexible arms, well-developed palms, and so on – because in hentai, you got to feel. A lot.

Such a story will need more human like Pokémon. Made by Kur0pi.

Ash x Misty

Misty isn’t my favorite Pokégal. But she’s very important, as much as she deserves special mention. Prospects of Ash x Misty romance is party why we started watching Pokémon when it first began. But well, it’s another thing that we got nothing out of it (except the many Misty swimsuit scenes that were censored in civilized versions of the anime). Anyway, Misty was the show-starter and if Pokémon didn’t go the way it did and rather tried to be a teen-specific shonen, Misty x Ash would’ve actually been a realistic shipping and not pure fantasy.

So, Misty x Ash in a hentai Pokémon. How it would’ve been? Obviously, infinitely long and expressions-loaded sex scenes are a must. Misty’s somewhat withdrawn and mostly brash nature and Ash’s never-give-up spirit would’ve made a tasty hentai.

Just imagine Ash, Misty, and Brock getting deserted someplace, which was pretty much all they ever did anyway. They’re looking for their Pokémon who’s off to fight random stranger Pokémon for no sane reason, and as Ash and Misty both end up searching behind the same bush, with some miraculous and “unintended” twists of fate, Ash accidentally gropes Misty. This would lead her to blush, of course. Now, she would say “D-don’t do it… Although I l-like it.”

“I won’t disrespect your feelings … If you like it let me go on …”

And then you know what happens. Ash makes her girl happy. I don’t know what Brock does all this while though.

Obviously feeding the goddamn Pokémon!

Ash x Others

My favorite female protagonist of Pokémon is May. She’s gorgeous, and I’m leaving her out of these hentai discussions. She’s on the other end of the spectrum: Gracefulness, and deserves to be left out from my superficially fabulous imaginations.

Dawn. Her in-your-face but silently caring nature is another perfect model of a hentai heroine. Her character however is not meant for any sexual interaction at all, as clear by the evident flatness her chest has. But well, as it goes in hentai – As long as it’s a girl, she can do hentai. Doesn’t matter if she’s flat, too tall, too fat, or just ten years old. So, Ash x Dawn would make fantastic and juicy adult adventures.

If Pokémon was a strict hentai, this is possible:

“Ash! Let’s do some training together.”

“No… last night got me all worked up.”

Dawn blushes.

“I’m talking about continuing that night training, honey.”

“Oh! Ready for that anytime!” But Pikachu is standing nearby. “Pikachu, go fishing with Cilan for a couple hours, erm.”

“Pika-pi.”

“And erm, you’re free to take Piplup with you, just in case your thunders are getting discharged.”

“PIKA-PI!”

Ahem. Anyway. Ash x her female co-leads is as interesting as it is. But the real juice of the Pokémon story is its side characters. Boy, now we’re going in hot.

Tell me, how many girls introduced in Pokémon weren’t beautiful as hell? None? That’s correct. This is the real meat of hentai Pokémon. Ash and girls like Andy, Serena, Dawn’s sisters, Jasmine, Whitney, Bianca, or older girls like Alicia (Rise of Darkrai), Claire, Lorelei, etc. Just imagine their love tales. And personally, I would love to witness Ash x Cynthia … man. Steamy.

Side characters are the real meat of a hentai setting Pokémon.

There were a ton of girls in Pokémon. Random villagers, townspeople, friends, enemy teams, everything was loaded with beautiful girls. So if Pokémon was hentai, Ash would never have a blockade in his supply of “girlfriends.”

The only girls that people won’t appreciate paired up with Ash are Jessie and Iris I think. Iris is completely for professional purposes, even more than Dawn. I haven’t seen Pokémon Best Wishes but Iris doesn’t look your usual erotic anime lead female, she’s too professional and story-centric.

If we’re discussing Pokémon pairings, I think I need to mention that I would like to see the original game-based pairings (or rather game-based choices) as the pairs over their trimmed-down, shallower anime counterparts. Green x Blue, Red x Leaf, etc. would make freaking awesome pairs. And I presume they’re older than just 10, which is better.

Pokémon x humans

Of course, Pokémon isn’t Pokémon without Pokémon. And consequently, Pokémon x protagonists is a more explored facet of Pokémon fan-fiction writing. So in a real hentai Pokémon series, Pokémon having intercourse and feels with humans is a must. Sexualized Pokémon are very popular, especially with breasts.

Just imagine a Pokémon like Gardevoir. Gardevoir (although 50% of them are male, as with most other Pokémon) is perhaps the only Pokémon with a bold female hint (Jynx, Bellosom, Lopunny, etc. also have hints but they don’t look like normal females). So she would make a perfect partner for a male trainer. She has some clear soft flesh being covered with green portions. Gardevoir also has a lot of fanart depicting her as a strong candidate for the first genuine human x Pokémon pairing.

A heavily sexualized Gardevoir. Sexualizing with breasts isn’t true art, however. It’s what you can do without adding the top loads. But well.

If you think about it, all the male trainers would want to catch a Gardevoir. Who cares is she doesn’t fit well in your team!

(The rest female trainers proportion would naturally go for Machamp. If he’s too large for you right now, get a Machop and “train” him instead. Evolve when you’re ready for the bigger organs.)

Anyway, Gardevoir. So when a trainer is bored, what does he do? Trainers need some entertainment too. So he gets Gardevoir out of her Pokéball. Remember, Pokémon are innocent and fairly sexually inexperienced because they’re primarily fighting creatures plus they lay eggs, so they’re not as experienced as mammals.

He orders Gardevoir to sit on his lap as he starts to feel her very, very thin and soft body. This is a quality time pass for any trainer. Gardevoir is happy fulfilling the desires of her master.

Okay I just remembered that basically Gardevoir doesn’t have legs. We’ll make do without them, don’t worry.

The trainer is done rubbing his hands on her waist. Now he moves his palms to her chest. Aroused by the sweet, flowery smell she has, he becomes suddenly very interested in this graceful, 5-foot tall and 50-kg weighing exquisiteness of soft, white flesh. Slowly going past the delicate green area on her chest, he massages the white part inside it. Surprisingly, this makes the pretty Gardevoir moan with pleasure.

Okay let’s stop it. Pokémon are really not meant for sexual activities, that’s for sure. So hentai Pokémon would’ve had more human-like Pokémon. Or maybe an ability to transform into a human-like figure? Human versions of many Pokémon would do actually good. And then you got Miltank.

Brock’s misadventures

Brock would be the Don Jon of Pokémon, without the last Oh-I-like-the-old-Julianne-Moore-more-than-Scarlet-Johansson part. Nurse Joy, Officer Jenny, and the countless girls he develops a crush on – whatever their number be, Brock would get a chance on about 30% of them thanks to his outgoing and explosively initiative nature. Some girls love exactly that.

So 30% of such a large number is still a gigantic amount.

Even Misty won’t pull his ear when he hits on a girl because she knows just about how much boys love the warm, cuddly company of a girl thanks to her own misadventures with Ash.

The God of all hentai: Tentacruel

Tentacruel, the lord of hentai since ancient times.

It is said that all hentai lords and harem kings worship the Tentacruel since the prehistoric times. Tentacruel is hands down the strongest, bluest, hentai overlord the world has ever seen.

If Pokémon was hentai, Tentacruel would be infamous for harassing and groping a large variety of sea Pokémon. Pokémon like Lapras are too strong, so he might only try his hands, erm sorry, tentacles, at the more defenseless sort – Goldeen, Dewgong, Seel, and the likes.

He would also not shy away from groping any female trainers that cross the waters on their surfing Pokémon. But the worst case would be of girls enjoying the waters and the sun in their swimsuits.

Tentacruel would cruelly leap forth, grabbing a swimming female trainer. He would then pull her close to himself. He would swiftly use all his tentacles, using some to grip the girl’s legs and arms, some to grip her thighs and waist tightly, and finally some to feel her private parts. He might as well penetrate.

Similarly, the other half of the Tentacruel population would take great delight in male trainers. For obvious reasons, I lack of any fantasies regarding that.

Story’s focuses

If Pokémon was hentai, the story’s focus would be different. Pokémon won’t be so fight-oriented and “let’s do some training.” Instead, the flow would be like this:

Ash: Man, I like this new random girl I just saw. (No bad intentions, though. Think of Kaneki’s liking for Rize; Tokyo Ghoul)

The new random girl he just saw: Hi, I’m Shara (just because I love that name). I’m a trainer and this is my phone number in case you want to … hang out with me, you know …

Ash: Oh, great! Hanging out is always great.

Shara: Yeah, I like it too.

Next day. Add some accidental miracle that pushes them both into a very intimate and sexually provocative position. Shara blushes. She’s shy but she could be approached for some sexual favors, given that Ash figures out the pace she would find comfortable: Too slow, slow, moderate, fast, or explosive. A Pokémon trainer is well-trained to figure out paces, mind you.

Suppose Shara likes too slow. Ash would gently put his arm around her, slowly massaging her other arm, as she’s wearing a sleeveless. He would then turn his cap backwards because it’s an intense moment. Shara blushes more and more, her cheeks reflecting deeper and deeper shades of pink every moment.

She won’t make eye contact, but would rather look down and gently smile because she’s liking it. Ash would make further headways, and the time comes when “it” happens.

So that’s what would happen if Pokémon was hentai instead of the usual boring gotta-catch-‘em-all-but-that’s-too-tough-for-me drama.

Just kidding, the initial seasons of Pokémon were excellent adventures that shaped our childhoods. Hentai Pokémon would mean no such childhood memories like that of Charizard, the trio parting, diving underwater for the Temple of the Sea, witnessing the dramatic fight between the three elemental birds, seeing the legends of space and time fighting and a dark knight saving the town, and on and on. Too much feels even without hentai. So let’s stick to our original Pokémon everyone.

*uncontrollably sobbing*